Marco Rubio, Preaching Frat Boy Humor To The Choir Behind Him
Remember when Marco Rubio was trying to head Ted Cruz off by claiming Cruz was "willing to do or say anything to get elected," and people were saying "wait a minute, that's Rubio's act?"
Yeah, that was a couple weeks ago. Now Rubio is proving those people right again in a new way, and it's not pretty.
To catch up, Rubio once said he wouldn't attack Donald Trump because he didn't want to "go there," that he wouldn't stoop to that level, and pundits laughably took this to be a principled stance by a very serious candidate. This was viewed by others, myself included, rather as a fearful excuse to avoid the inevitable trouncing Rubio would get from Trump if he did attack him. Those who've attacked Trump in the past have paid the price, and it only helped Trump. So Rubio took the coward's way out, because of course he did.
Then South Carolina happened, and suddenly the GOP and Rubio woke up to the nightmare that Trump wasn't going anywhere. It was a bit late, but all bets were off. And so Rubio "went there" and began not only attacking Trump, but doing so in a way that showed his true colors, that Rubio is really an inexperienced empty suit with the mentality of an elementary school wise-cracker who takes cheap shots at others when they aren't there to defend themselves. Worse, he tried to turn into Trump to do it. It hasn't gone well.
First, after the last GOP debate, there was this:
"He called me Mr. Meltdown," said Rubio, deriding the botched spelling of Trump's post-debate tweets. "Let me tell you, during one of the breaks — two of the breaks — he went backstage. He was having a meltdown. First he had this little makeup thing, applying makeup around his mustache, because he had one of those sweat mustaches. Then he asked for a full-length mirror. I don't know why, because the podium goes up to here. Maybe he was making sure his pants weren't wet. I don't know."
Trump wets his pants. Hilarious..
On Saturday afternoon, the beginning of Mr. Rubio’s stump speech included his new zingers about the investments, corporate bankruptcies and temperament of the mogul who has dismissed him as a “lightweight.”
“This is a massive fraud that he’s perpetuating,” Mr. Rubio said before cracking wise about “Hair Force One” and Mr. Trump having “the worst spray tan in America.”
“Donald Trump likes to sue people,” Mr. Rubio said to laughter and applause. “He should sue whoever did that to his face.”
Hair Force One. Spray tan jokes. Get thee to the playground!
In response to the property mogul calling him "little Rubio," Rubio conceded that Trump was taller than him. However, the Florida senator suggested Trump had small hands for his height.
"And you know what they say about guys with small hands," Rubio said with a smile, prompting stunned laughter from the crowd.
After a brief pause he added: "You can't trust 'em!" The crowd responded with applause.
Rubio also targeted Trump's notorious tan, saying he "doesn't sweat because his pores are clogged from the spray tan."
"Donald Trump isn't gonna make America great, he's gonna make America orange," he said.
More spray tan humor, with bonus penis jokes! He's here all week! Or at least until he loses Florida too, which polls show he will.
And to think just a couple weeks ago, Rubio said this:
"Well, I don’t do the personal stuff. I don’t do the personal attacks primarily because it’s not who I am, because I think it’s beneath the office that I’m seeking but also because I don’t want to embarrass my kids. My kids are watching this campaign. I don’t want to do things that will embarrass them now or in the future. I want to be an example to them."
Well, sorry, Rubio's kids. Daddy's really just an empty suit with no principles who will do anything and say anything if it boosts himself politically, and he's not above turning into Donald Trump in a desperate attempt to beat Donald Trump. Too bad you had to learn that the hard way just as Florida voters did, and now the rest of the country has as well.
Not only is making jokes about Trump wetting his pants and his penis size beneath the office Rubio seeks, but in making them, Rubio has come full circle to make the case against himself better than any of the rest of us could:
Marco Rubio is beneath holding public office, period.