After years of political candidates claiming that "God told them to run" or convincing voters that Jesus favors gun ownership, but opposes ObamaCare, it appears Jesus has finally put his foot down.
A North Miami mayoral candidate, Anna Pierre, announced that Jesus had endorsed her, and she promptly lost the election with only 56 votes:
Anna Pierre, who previously said she was a victim of Vodou sorcery, posted the message in a campaign-style flier featured on her Facebook page.
Reached on Monday, Pierre said Jesus came to her in a dream.
“I had a revelation when I was going to give up on this race. I had a dream. I know what I saw,” she said. “A figure I can’t explain told me, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am your friend. I am walking with you side by side. You are not alone.’ I felt it was from heaven. It was an endorsement by Jesus.”
If this was indeed Jesus' doing, I'm not sure why, exactly, he waited until now to take a stand and say "Enough already!" I can think of at least three recent, and more suitable cases in which much damage could have been avoided had he stepped in earlier.
Luckily, Jesus came to an "unnamed source" in a dream and the source had the opportunity to ask him:
US: Why not step in when George W. Bush said you told him to run?
Jesus: I honestly didn't think he would ever actually get elected.
US: What about his reelection?
Jesus: Well, I thought what were the chances of it happening a second time?
US: With all due respect, it was Florida, after all. What about that? The Supreme Court? Ohio?
Jesus: I know. Again, my bad.
US: Can you explain Michele Bachmann? Louie Gohmert?
Jesus: Don't tell anyone this, but I really can't be everywhere at all times. You can't imagine the pressure I'm under. Look at what I'm up against in Congress for Go...for heav....for goodness sake!
US: Oh, come on! What about Sarah Palin?
Jesus: Are you kidding? I actually did quietly step in on that one, but I didn't make a formal announcement. Still paying for that decision...
US: Why now? Why this race in particular?
Jesus: Quite frankly, I'm tired of political parties claiming I'm really "on their side." I felt it was important to choose a nonpartisan race.
US: You claim you're not partisan, but your excuse for George W. Bush seems a tad flimsy. That is, if you really do exist, so I'll ask again. Are you really non-partisan? Do you actually exist? Asking for a friend.
Jesus: Jesus! What is this, an inquisition?? Oops, I mean.....uh.....
US: Wow. I'll ask you again. Do. You. Exist?